It was a hot Wednesday night at the end of June. I found myself outside of Christ Lutheran Church, waiting for Grace to finish her basketball workout with her AAU team. My cell phone started to ring. I saw the picture of my wife come up on my cell phone. She works late on Wednesdays. I was hoping that she was calling to let me know that she was on her way home.
I picked up the phone and said, “Hey Tara, what’s happening.”
She replied, “I just got off the phone with my Father. Hannah was killed today.”
In utter disbelief, I responded, “What. What did you say?”.
Tara said again with her voice filled with sadness, “Hannah was killed today.”
I remember screaming, “Oh my God!”. I could not believe what I had heard. Tara went on to tell me that Hannah was moving out of her apartment in Rhinelander. She was abducted and then shot to death on Highway 8. Her body was left on the side of the road. The person that perpetrated the crime was still free. The police have taken her 2-year daughter, Nova, her mother, and her Father into protective custody as there was fear that their lives were in danger.
Hannah was 26 years old. I had known her from the time that she was born. The impact of that news was heart-wrenching. I could not believe that this was happening to my family. It felt like I was living in a movie of the week. The thoughts in my mind were racing. How could this happen? Are Craig, Darcy, and Nova safe? Who could have done this?
Making Sense of the Tragedy
The days of heartache turned into weeks while we met with relatives to grieve and remember Hannah. Eventually, the police received a tip and arrested a person suspected of the murder. In the face of the unspeakable tragedy, I thought of how to handle this with my children. What can you say? What should I say as a Father? How does this unspeakable event change my approach to life? In the middle of the night, my thoughts race to the picture of one of my daughters lying dead on the side of the road. I have such anger and despair. I have three main takeaways and points of action.
1. Life can be Unfair and Cruel
The most significant idea I wanted to convey to my daughters is that life is unfair and often dangerous. I asked them to keep this at the forefront of their minds but stressed that it should not dictate their actions. They should emphasize in the way that they live their life that each day is a gift. None of us knows how many more days we will have in the future. While it seems like an obvious cliche, I told them that they must bring their best self to every day like it may be their last one on earth.
2. Keep your Safety at the Forefront of your Mind
It is important not to live life in fear but do not trust the world. Try to think in terms of your safety. I always remind my oldest daughter, who is on her own at college, to walk around campus at night with a friend. I stress to her to be aware of her surroundings. I tell her that 99% of the people you meet in the world are good and have positive intentions. There are, however, people that will cross your path that may have evil in their hearts. I asked her to try to remove her naivety about the world. Be sure to place a critical eye on questionable situations and on the people that enter into their life.
3. Be a True Friend to the World
I feel that it is a priority to teach my children the importance of giving oneself to the world. While it is true that they have to live their own lives, they must know that it is important to look for ways to help and uplift others that they will meet on their journey through life. One thing I have learned is that you never know what a person that you encounter in life is actually going through personally. Are they truly “fine,” or are they going through a really tough time? By reaching out with goodwill to others, you may make a true difference in their life. I always think of the motto that the more you give, the more you will get back. There is nothing that makes a person feel better than the feeling of truly helping another.
Conclusion
In the months that followed, the police arrested the man suspected of killing Hannah. He is now awaiting trial this summer. It always hits me that the family comes together for the funeral when you are going through a tragedy. We all offer support and love during a difficult time, but after the funeral, the parents are, in the end, forced to grapple with the loss on a day-to-day basis. I can’t even begin to imagine their grief and pain. I truly believe that nothing can be done to make it better. I am thankful that the parents of Hannah have her daughter to raise in her absence. She is a definite piece of Hannah they can still pick up, hold, and love.
Thank you for reading this article. If you like the content, please consider subscribing by going to www.youthbasketballparent.com.