Over the last year, I had fallen out of the habit of daily exercising. There are so many excuses: my workday was too busy and exhausting, there are so many household chores to do, or I deserve a break to enjoy myself. I decided to start by going for a walk. How tough is that? The next question is how long or far I should walk. In my subdivision, I have mapped out four specific routes. There are the 1-mile, 3-mile, 5-mile, and 7-mile routes. In the back of my head, I can hear my Physical Therapist wife telling me not to overdo it. Start slow and build yourself up. Even though it has been over 30 years since I was an athlete, my brain is still wired that way. I told myself that I would take the 7-mile route. Once I made that decision, the little voice in my mind started chirping in my ear, “Come on, Juice. 3 miles is good enough”. Once I reached the 3-mile mark, I told myself that I was going to push through. As I continued, my foot began to hurt with each step, and my back started to ache. 5 miles. My inner voice, “Oh my God. That is good. That is enough. You should be proud of yourself.” Still, I found a way to ignore that voice. We are going 7 miles today, come hell or high water. Okay, now my lungs are feeling it, and my legs are starting to burn. I thought to myself, “Fuck it”. I am going for it. I made the 7 miles.
Where do the limiting beliefs come from in our brains? Overcoming that little voice inside our head is a constant battle for all of us. If it is tough for us, as adults with the wisdom of age, what is it like for our 10-year-old, 12-year-old, 15-year-old, or 20-year-old athletes whom we are trying to inspire to become great athletes? Conquering this internal voice is the most essential battle that is fought and it is truly the battle that will win the war. It is the inherent difference from pushing from being good to great and from great to legendary. With your son or daughter, I wanted to provide three conversation points that you can use to help them acknowledge the demon and learn how to fight it.
1. The Enemy Within
The first step in tackling limiting beliefs in your mind is to acknowledge that the enemy within exists. Regardless of your child’s age, begin a conversation with them about this universal internal demon. With my daughters Hailey and Grace, I went on and on about the fact that the mind gives up well before the body ever will. I drove that home over and over again. I would challenge them directly when they thought they had taken their last shot, lifted their last weight, or run their last sprint. I would say, “Okay, okay, just one more shot. One more sprint”. I remind them that there is always more left in the tank than they believe there is.
There is a great book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. Within the book, I was struck by the idea of striving to improve by 1% every day. I believe this can be a great way to present the idea to your child. Indeed, as an athlete, I can do 1% more than I did last time. I can practice a bit longer, or I can practice a bit harder each time. This philosophy makes it easy for the mind to push through. Surely, I can move just a bit further. The point is to begin the conversation with your athlete and then keep revisiting it over and over again.
2. Go Hard or Go Home
When I was a freshman in high school, I went out for the football team. Do you remember the two-a-day practices? It was a real grind in the dog days of August. Well, we had an agility course that we would run with tires, nets, and other mini obstacles. I remember running the course, and the head coach was watching. He called me out in front of the team, accusing me of not giving it my all. I told him, “I was going as hard as I could”. He made me do it again by myself. Sure enough, I went harder the second time through. What a powerful lesson, but one that did not click right away. It took me a couple more years to teach it fully.
Ask your son or daughter, “Do you play hard all the time?”. The answer to this question for every athlete is “No”. I tell my daughters that there is always another level to go to, no matter how hard you think you are playing. It all begins with the understanding that you can always go harder. There is always another level. This is the ultimate challenge of sports.
3. Keep the End in Mind
Becoming a great athlete requires a ton of work. The workouts, the practices, and summer club trips are an incredible investment in time, energy, and money. What is the point of it all? How can you console your child when they can’t hang with their friends at the beach in the summer or miss the big party that everyone is going to? I used to tell my children when they were young that I would not ask them to go through all of this training, and the summer club season unless there was a larger payoff in the end. A payoff so significant and so special that if you knew how it was going to make you feel, you would not give a single second thought to all of the work that you are putting in right now. The payoff comes much later. I was building the dream in their mind.
One of the greatest joys in my life was watching my senior daughter, Hailey, play on varsity alongside her little sister, Grace, in the sport of volleyball. They played right next to each other during the game! In that year, my daughters led their Kettle Moraine Lasers to the program’s first trip to state in the school’s history. In the bedlam of the sectional championship win, I was able to remind my daughters of what I told them so many times before. The payoff is later, and how sweet it is. The truth be told is that my daughters did not have to win a trip to state to get that payoff (But it was sweet). The actual payoff is the mindset that is ingrained in both of them in how they approach their academics, and now, for Hailey, how she approaches her job as a medical assistant. The concepts of discipline, work ethic, and a positive mental attitude are the gifts that keep giving.
The idea is to have a conversation to build the dream in your child’s mind. You talk to them about being all-conference or MVP. Perhaps it is winning a trip to state. In my case with Grace, it was that she was going to be the greatest basketball player in Kettle Moraine history. I started telling her when she was in 3rd grade. In fact, I called the athletic director at Kettle Moraine High School and asked what the school’s scoring record throughout its history. It was 1223. So I bought stickers for the basketball pole in the driveway and posted the number 1224. Something to work toward. Something to dream of. Well, Grace ended up with 2294. Have a conversation with your child. Dream big. Get to work. This will help them tell that little voice inside their head to quiet down.
Conclusion
Breaking through mental barriers starts with conversations with your child. Paint a big picture and help them tackle their limiting belief. Please let me know your thoughts on this article at youthbasketballparent@gmail.com. I would love to hear your thoughts and if you started conversations with your child.