I lost my father, Gerald “Big G” Grocholski, on July 30th, 2023. He was 78 years old. The end is never easy, and I believe that you are never prepared for the finality of losing a parent. Big G was a larger-than-life figure, and I know his influence and love will be with me for the rest of my life. I am intent on passing his wisdom down to my children. I want to share three of the biggest things I learned from my dad.
Triumph Over Adversity
My Dad grew up very poor. His father, Alex, and mother, Evelyn, had six sons. Life was difficult. They did not also have enough food to feed the entire family. Sometimes, my grandmother asked her sons to go out and steal food from local grocery stores or neighbors’ gardens. He also told me stories that they would go out and kill squirrels or pigeons for dinner at the most difficult times. He told me that when he was in high school, he had one pair of jeans that he had to wear to school every day. To further exasperate the situation, his father was an alcoholic who decided to leave the family when my Dad was in 3rd grade. He moved out shortly after graduation and went to work for the next 48 years.
While this is not a rags-to-riches story, he punched the clock and managed to earn a good enough living to raise two boys in a small, safe rural community. As children, we did not lack anything. We always had food on the table. We always had the best athletic equipment. It was a great childhood and a great place to grow up. My dad gave my brother and me a better life than he had. With his childhood, he could have ended up going in a completely different direction in life, but instead, he lived as a good, hard-working man.
Whenever I face adversity in my life, there are times that I am apt to feel sorry for myself. Instead, reflecting on the hurdles my dad had to overcome is helpful. If he could overcome so much, why can’t I?
Will to Win
There was an ultra-competitive atmosphere that permeated just about every part of our household. Everything was a competition, and everyone, including my Mother, engaged in the win-at-all-cost mentality. On Fridays, when my brother and I were young, we would have a night where we all played Monopoly. There was much trash-talking and posturing during the game. Many times the game ended with verbal fights and hurt feelings as we all tried to come out on top. I can recall that during one of our vacations, we decided to have a family golf tournament. My Dad accessed the skills of the family and created a handicap system to make the playing field level, and off we went. Everyone was locked in during the tournament, and no one spoke to each other. I remember it being an uncomfortable 18 holes. By the way, I ended up winning and still bring that up during the family holidays. This “Will to Win” carried on into my athletic and professional careers. Nothing in my life is “just a game” or “just a sales contest’. I have a win-at-all-cost mentality in everything I do. This drive or obsession with winning has made me a valuable asset to the sales organizations I have worked for and is responsible for my success as a professional.
Listen Without Judgement
One of the greatest attributes of my Dad was his willingness to listen to you without passing judgment. He resisted the urge to impress his belief system on you. He simply would allow you to talk and get things out. He would offer opinions when asked. This made him a sought-after confidant in times of need. I truly do not know how I will be able to replace this in my life. The other day, I was driving my car, and the engine light went on. My first thought was to pick up the phone and call my Dad. Of course, he was not here. I am now in the place to be on my own, but more importantly, it is my turn to use my dad’s wisdom with my own children.
Conclusion
I would like to end the article with my favorite story about my Dad and me. In March 1989, my high school team, the East Troy Trojans, played the Whitnall Falcons in the boy’s basketball sectional championship game. The winner punches their ticket to state. We were a big underdog, and nobody gave us much of a chance to win. My dad owned a tavern in Whitewater and could not attend the game since he was working. Well, we played well that day. With four minutes left in the game, my brother got out of the stands and went to a pay phone to call Dad to tell him that we were up by 20 points and would win. The East Troy fans would flood his bar in less than an hour.
We won the game, and it was time to travel home. As we left the gym on the bus, I got up to talk to my head coach convincing him to take the bus to my parent’s bar for a curtain call. We pulled up to the bar, and all the fans came out in the street, cheering and clapping. I was getting off the bus, and I could see my Dad. I came up to him, and he gave me a big hug. It was a big deal because my Dad rarely showed physical love. I can count on one hand the number of times he hugged or kissed me. I will cherish this memory of my Dad for the rest of my life.
Thank you for indulging me by reading this story about my Dad. I love him and will miss him dearly.