I was watching a game this past weekend with a girl’s basketball coach I highly respect. While watching the game, we discussed some mistakes that the players kept repeating during the game. Then, she turned to me and said, “Gary, you only get from your players what you allow.” It is so simple but so profound. It got me thinking of basketball coaching and then being a parent. So I thought I would share with you my takeaways.
The Importance of Setting Expectations and Adding Accountability
It seems painfully simple. If a coach does not set clear expectations for their players, why should they be surprised when they do not execute? I am sure that the vast majority of coaches convey what they want to see on the court from their players, but this is useless without holding players accountable. A good example of this is the former UW Wisconsin Badger coach, Bo Ryan. He set the expectation that turning the ball over was unacceptable. If one of his players committed a turnover, he would pull the player out of the game. This was a clear and consistent way Coach Ryan set expectations and held the players accountable. Do you see examples of this within your child’s high school or club program?
While the quote can clearly be applied to basketball, I found myself thinking of how I should be using it as a parent. Recently, I have been on a self-improvement kick. I decided to add a new habit to assist my wife and alleviate something that consistently irritated me. I have become fanatical about having a spotless kitchen. In the past, I would make lunch or dinner and then let the dishes sit, thinking I would do them later. With the dishes gathering on the counter, my kids naturally assumed this was how it was. They then left their dishes in the sink as well. Well, no more. I now insist that it is always immaculate and orderly. In doing so, I have set clear expectations for my children and wife that I want it kept that way. One of my favorite things to do when I catch one of my daughters leaving a dish in the sink is to call them over and tell them that I am holding a class on how to load the dishwasher. I say to them that they almost got it right by making it to the sink, but it is really getting that plate the extra two feet to the dishwasher that makes all the difference in the world. This is my fun way of holding them accountable. The other day, I got in trouble when I texted a picture of our unmade bed to my wife after I got home from work. I asked her what was wrong with this picture. NOT a smart idea! She did not see the humor in it.
How can you apply this to the way you parent? I would love to know. Reach out to me via email at youthbasketballparent@gmail.com.
Praising the Players and Children
All human beings love being praised for their positive actions. I thought to myself that many coaches forget this when working with their players. They are sure quick to chastise them when they make a mistake. A well-placed word of encouragement or praise can go a long way for a player. If the coach sets the expectations and holds players accountable, they should mix in uplifting comments to a player or the team when they get things right.
I think the same can be applied to parenting. Provide praise when it is justified. This lets the kids know they are on track and promotes continued positive actions. In my personal life, I am conscious of telling my children that I am proud of them and that I love them. Many times it takes the form of a text with a simple heart. I bet many of you out there do the same thing. Life flies by, and the kids will be gone before you know it. So make every minute count with them.
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