There is no cure for bad sportsmanship in the world of club basketball. It is impossible to shield your child from negative experiences. I must admit that I do not want to protect my daughter from these situations. I look at them as an opportunity to share valuable life lessons and start a terrific conversation. Basketball has been back for just five weeks for my daughter’s program. I want to share you with my top four bad sportsmanship moments.
1. Trash Talking
At a tournament down in Illinois last weekend, we were matched up against a very tough team with multiple Division I athletes. They were very physical and ran a very tough man to man press the whole game. We were very hot in the first half from the three-point line and drove our lead to 17 points in the second half. The other team then started to make a run. It was a terrific game to watch. Our opponents, however, began to trash talk our players. I heard the word “Bitch” used multiple times. At one point, the other team’s player blocked our point guard’s shot when she was attempting a three-pointer. It was a great play, but afterward, she got in her face and yelled, “Get that shit outta here!”
There is no place for this behavior, but, as I explained to my daughter after the game, this type of display will continue after basketball ends. I talked to her about how I experience it in my days as a salesperson. The competition trashes me and my products. My company’s top salesperson makes conceded comments during a sales meeting. As with anything in life, the measure of your character is how you respond in these situations. I told my daughter that she should keep her mouth shut and then shut the other player’s mouth by draining a couple of threes and winning the game.
2. Disrespectful Coaches
My daughter and I were waiting for the game to finish on the court that we played at next. It was a very close game. Both teams were fighting hard. One of the team’s coaches was very loud and obnoxious during the game. His team had a girl that was 6’2″. She received a pass and was wide open for a layup. There was no one near her. She missed. The coach pulled her from the game and began screaming at her on the bench. I turned to my daughter and said that yelling at her is pointless. She knows better than anyone that she missed the shot and that she should have made it. I thought instead that he should have put his hand on her shoulder and said “Shake it off, kid. Take a quick break and then your going back in. We need you bad.” What would that have done for her? Surely, something better than yelling at her.
The game was being refereed by a female official and a male official. With less than two minutes to play, a player threw a pass that bounced off the foot of a player on the other team. The female official did not call a “kick,” and nor should she have since the player did not intentionally try to “kick” the ball. The coach got right in the face of the female official screaming at her very disrespectfully. This type of behavior is not acceptable in any circumstance, but I turned to my daughter and said, “I wonder if that coach would have come at the male official as aggressively.” (( PBS | Not in Our Town. https://www.niot.org/category/niot/pbs)) I told her that there are going to be times that men are going to try to intimidate her because of her gender. Young women need to be aware of this and stand their ground, just like this female official did to the coach.
3. Scary Parents
My oldest daughter came along on the last trip to Illinois to watch her kid sister play. She thought that since she is leaving for college soon that she would be able to spend some quality time with her. Before the first game started, her sister’s head coach asked her to help out and film the game. She agreed and set up the camera in the middle of the court between two sets of bleachers. The game was very physical. At one point, her sister was dribbling up the court, and her defender had a hand on her hip the entire way. She yelled to the ref, “Get the hands off!” The very next play when our player was dribbling upcourt, and we were hand checking as well. The man, who was well in his forties, turned, glared and yelled at my 17-year-old daughter, “See you guys are doing the same thing.”
My daughter was upset and scared at the confrontation. Why would a grown man scream at a kid? There is no justification for this behavior. Thankfully, I was running the clock and not sitting near my daughter, or that man would have gotten an earful from me. I did feel the need to remind my daughter that all actions have consequences. A comment that you find to be benign could upset another person. In today’s “in your face” world, I told her to be careful and watch your behavior in public. You never know if you have a person near you that is ready to lose control.
4. Cheap Shots
It’s Sunday and we are playing the last game of the tournament. We are playing a team that we had seen a few weeks earlier in Cedar Rapids where we won by only one point. Today was a different story. Halfway through the second half, we are up by 25 points. It is over and the other team knows it. My daughter was guarding her girl in the post. She is “chesting” her as she was taught to gain a good position on the low side. Out of nowhere, the player she is guarding winds up and elbows her in the jaw. She then followed it up with another elbow to her chest. The parent section erupts at the referee, but, as it happens so often in blowouts, there was no call.
After the game, I approached my daughter and asked her how she kept her cool in that situation. She simply told me that if she tried to give her one back that she would likely be the one that would get the foul. She said that she would not want to face me or her coach after getting that type of foul. I was a very happy Dad that day. I told her how proud I was of her. Jealousy and wrath with follow her throughout her whole life. Be aware of it and prepare to respond to it with as little emotion as you can.
Conclusion
While their many examples of poor behavior, I have been noticing that players of other teams have been making an active effort to help opposing players up when they fall. There will always be good and evil in the world. I feel it is our job as parents to teach our children about this and always remind them that life is not fair. Don’t expect it to be. I urge my children to live their life, expecting others to be good, but always to be prepared for the bad. It is the life we lead.
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