G during her visit to Providence.
When your child receives a scholarship offer from a college, it can be one of the most exciting moments of her athletic journey.
The excitement in your child’s face and voice is something a parent never forgets.
When my oldest daughter received her first offer, I couldn’t hold back the tears.
Years of practices, tournaments, long drives, early mornings, late nights, missed social events, injuries, successes, failures, and hard work had suddenly resulted in something tangible:
A college wanted her.
For a parent, the natural instinct is to tell everyone.
Post it on social media.
Text the grandparents.
Call your friends.
Maybe even shout it from the rooftops.
But before hitting the “post” button, I believe parents and athletes should stop for a moment and think about what making that offer public might accomplish—and what unintended consequences could come with it.
There isn’t necessarily a right or wrong answer.
Every athlete, family, recruiting situation, and basketball program is different.
But there are some good reasons to share an offer publicly and some equally legitimate reasons to keep the information private.
The Case for Posting the Offer
I’ll admit something right away:
I love celebrating my children’s accomplishments.
Like most parents, I am tremendously proud of my daughters. When something good happens to them, I want people to know about it.
That is natural.
Receiving a college scholarship offer represents years of work by a young athlete. Sharing the news can be a wonderful way to recognize that accomplishment.
The player worked for it.
She earned the opportunity.
There is nothing inherently wrong with being proud of that achievement.
Posting the offer also allows family members, friends, coaches, teammates, teachers, and others who have supported the athlete to celebrate with her.
For some families, that alone may be reason enough to share the news.
Recognition for the People Who Helped
Very few basketball players reach the college-recruiting level completely on their own.
There are usually many people involved.
Club coaches.
High school coaches.
Trainers.
Teammates.
Parents.
Teachers.
Friends.
If your son or daughter receives a scholarship offer, there is a good chance that a basketball club or coach played an important role in her development and helped create opportunities for college coaches to see her play.
Many club programs now create graphics announcing scholarship offers received by their players.
There is an obvious benefit to the club.
Those announcements demonstrate that players within the program are receiving opportunities to play college basketball. That can help the club establish credibility with prospective players and families.
There is also nothing wrong with recognizing coaches and organizations that genuinely contributed to your child’s development.
Basketball is a team sport, and the journey toward playing in college usually involves a team of people as well.
Could Posting an Offer Generate More Recruiting Interest?
This may be one of the most compelling reasons to make an offer public.
When a college offers a player, other coaches may take notice.
College basketball recruiting is an interconnected world. Coaches know other coaches. Programs compete against one another. Recruiters follow many of the same players, tournaments, club teams, and high schools.
If a respected program offers an athlete, another coaching staff may wonder:
What are they seeing that we haven’t seen yet?
That doesn’t mean posting an offer will automatically lead to additional scholarship opportunities.
But public recognition can provide another signal that the player is receiving legitimate college interest.
For a family trying to increase recruiting visibility, that may be valuable.
The Case for Keeping the Offer Private
There is another side to the argument.
Young athletes already deal with tremendous pressure.
Adding public expectations can sometimes make that pressure worse.
Once an athlete announces that she has received a college scholarship offer, people may begin viewing her differently.
She isn’t simply another basketball player anymore.
Now she is:
“The Division I prospect.”
Or:
“The girl with the scholarship offer.”
That sounds flattering.
Sometimes it is.
But it can also create expectations.
Opposing players may want to prove themselves against her.
Opposing fans may pay more attention to her.
Teammates may compare themselves to her.
And every bad game can suddenly feel more significant.
If she scores four points instead of twenty, someone may think:
“That’s the kid with a scholarship?”
Young athletes have enough pressure already.
Parents should at least consider whether publicizing an offer will add pressure that their child doesn’t need.
How Will Teammates React?
This can be an uncomfortable topic, but it is worth discussing.
Most teammates will probably be genuinely happy when another player receives a scholarship offer.
But teenagers are human.
Jealousy exists.
Competition exists.
Comparison exists.
One player may wonder why her teammate received an offer when she hasn’t.
Another may believe she deserves more attention.
A third may begin measuring every practice or game against the player who has been publicly identified as a college prospect.
That doesn’t mean you should hide your child’s accomplishments simply because someone else might become jealous.
But parents should understand the environment their child is living in.
One social-media post can change how other people perceive an athlete.
For some kids, that won’t matter at all.
For others, it might.
Could an Offer Affect Other Schools’ Interest?
This was one of the concerns our family considered.
Suppose your daughter receives an offer from one university and immediately announces it publicly.
Could another school mistakenly believe that she is already leaning strongly toward the first program?
Could a coaching staff wonder whether recruiting her is worth the effort?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Recruiting staffs understand that good players receive multiple offers. An offer from another school certainly doesn’t mean the athlete has made a commitment.
But recruiting is also about relationships, perception, timing, and communication.
If there are particular colleges your child is especially interested in, it may be worth discussing the situation with trusted coaches before announcing every development publicly.
Sometimes sharing information creates momentum.
Sometimes keeping information private gives the family more control over the process.
What Does Your Child Want?
This may be the most important question in the entire discussion.
Whose accomplishment is it?
Your child’s.
As parents, it is easy to become excited and immediately start telling everyone.
But before posting anything, ask your child how she feels.
Does she want everyone to know?
Would she prefer to keep the recruiting process private?
Does she enjoy attention?
Does public recognition make her uncomfortable?
Would she rather wait until she has made a final decision?
Different kids will give different answers.
And their preferences may change as they get older.
My daughters had opinions about offer announcements themselves.
While preparing the original version of this article, I asked them what they thought about players posting scholarship offers.
My youngest joked about the frequently used phrase:
“I am blessed to receive an offer from…”
My oldest felt some posts could make a player appear overly impressed with herself.
I didn’t necessarily agree with that interpretation. I don’t believe announcing an accomplishment automatically demonstrates a lack of humility.
But their reactions reminded me of something important:
People interpret social-media posts differently.
You control what you post.
You don’t control how everyone else receives it.
Humility and Gratitude Matter
If your child does decide to post an offer, I would encourage her to think carefully about how she communicates the news.
There is a significant difference between:
“Look how great I am.”
and:
“I am grateful for this opportunity and thankful to everyone who helped me reach this point.”
The accomplishment is the same.
The message is different.
Young athletes are building reputations long before they ever arrive on a college campus.
How they communicate matters.
How they treat teammates matters.
How they respond to success matters.
And how they respond when someone else receives an opportunity matters too.
Scholarship offers can provide another opportunity to teach our children about gratitude and humility.
What Our Family Decided
Our family ultimately decided not to publicly share my daughters’ scholarship offers as they came in.
I would love to tell you that my wife and I reached that conclusion after conducting extensive research and carefully analyzing every possible consequence.
We didn’t.
We followed the advice of one of our daughter’s club coaches.
His philosophy was essentially:
Keep your cards close to your chest.
He believed there was little benefit to publicly sharing every development in the recruiting process.
We trusted his experience and followed his recommendation.
Looking back, I can still see both sides.
I understand why families proudly announce offers.
I also understand why others choose to remain quiet.
And knowing what I know now, I don’t think there is one correct answer for every family.
Make the Decision That Fits Your Child
College recruiting can become complicated very quickly.
What begins as a young child playing basketball because she loves the game can eventually involve college coaches, recruiting calls, scholarship discussions, social media, rankings, expectations, and difficult decisions.
As parents, our job isn’t necessarily to create more attention.
Our job is to help our children navigate the attention that comes their way.
Before announcing a scholarship offer publicly, have a family conversation.
Consider the potential advantages.
Consider the possible downsides.
Talk with coaches you trust.
Most importantly, talk with your child.
Then make the decision that feels right for her.
A scholarship offer is a tremendous accomplishment whether 10,000 people see the announcement or only your family knows about it.
The social-media post isn’t the achievement.
The opportunity is.
And sometimes the best thing we can do as parents is enjoy the moment with our child before worrying about telling everyone else.