For many parents of young athletes, the possibility of their child someday playing a sport in college feels like a distant dream.
I know it did for me.
When our oldest daughter, Hailey, began playing volleyball, I had very little understanding of how college recruiting actually worked. I knew college coaches recruited athletes. I knew scholarships existed.
Beyond that?
We were learning as we went.
And we made mistakes.
We spent money in places that probably didn’t help. We passed on opportunities that, looking back, I wish we had taken. We sent hundreds of emails, traveled thousands of miles, visited schools, talked to coaches, compared financial-aid packages, and experienced all of the uncertainty that comes with wondering whether your child will have an opportunity to continue playing the sport she loves.
Eventually, Hailey received multiple college offers, including the opportunity to play Division I volleyball on scholarship at Presbyterian College in South Carolina.
Looking back on that journey, six lessons stand out.
If your son or daughter hopes to compete in college someday, perhaps some of what we learned can make your family’s journey a little easier.
Lesson No. 1: Academics Can Be a Game Changer
If I could give families one piece of advice before we ever discuss athletics, highlight videos, showcases, club teams, or recruiting emails, it would be this:
Take academics seriously.
Good grades can create options.
During Hailey’s recruitment, I learned that the financial side of college athletics could be much more complicated than simply receiving—or not receiving—an athletic scholarship.
At some schools, athletics aid could be combined with academic scholarships and other financial assistance. That meant being a strong student could make an athlete considerably more attractive to a college program while also making college much more affordable for the family.
Think about recruiting from the coach’s perspective.
If two athletes are relatively equal athletically but one is an outstanding student who qualifies for substantial academic assistance, that student may give the coach and school more flexibility when assembling the overall financial package.
More importantly, academics give your child options that have absolutely nothing to do with athletics.
An injury can happen.
A coach can leave.
A player can decide she no longer loves her sport.
Basketball, volleyball, soccer, and every other sport eventually end.
The education remains.
If your child dreams about becoming a college athlete, help her understand something early:
The recruiting process doesn’t begin with a college coach. It begins in the classroom.
Lesson No. 2: Don’t Be Afraid to Introduce Yourself
The summer before Hailey’s junior year, we decided we were going to be proactive.
We weren’t going to simply wait and hope that a college coach happened to see her play.
We started contacting schools.
A lot of schools.
Using CaptainU, we gathered contact information and sent emails to Division I, Division II, and NAIA volleyball programs.
It was a tremendous amount of work.
We received some responses. Coaches viewed her profile. Several programs asked Hailey to complete recruiting questionnaires.
But nothing significant happened.
Then, during November of her junior year, her club recommended SportsRecruits.
We also created a better highlight video using footage from Hailey’s high-school and club seasons.
Then we did it again.
We sent out another round of emails.
This time, something changed.
The response was dramatically different.
Emails started arriving.
Coaches began calling.
Programs told us they planned to attend tournaments where Hailey would be competing.
The lesson for me wasn’t simply that a particular recruiting website worked better than another.
It was that presentation matters.
A coach receives an enormous amount of information about potential recruits. Make it easy for that coach to quickly understand who your child is.
Include the important information.
Make the video easy to watch.
Put relevant information in the subject line.
Be concise.
And give the coach a reason to take another look.
One of the things I began doing was putting Hailey’s club name in the subject line because she played for a well-known program. I wanted the coach scanning an inbox to immediately recognize something familiar.
Was every email opened?
Absolutely not.
Did some of them matter?
Without question.
I know that because one of those emails ultimately changed Hailey’s life.
The Email That Led to an Offer
During March of Hailey’s junior year, her club team competed at the Mideast Qualifier.
The coaching staff from Presbyterian College came to watch her play.
Eventually, Presbyterian offered Hailey a scholarship.
Later, we asked the coaches a simple question:
What made you come watch Hailey that day?
Their answer surprised me.
It was the email she had sent months earlier.
Think about that.
One email.
Among hundreds that we sent.
That email resulted in a coach watching her play.
That led to a relationship.
And that relationship ultimately led to a Division I scholarship offer.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had decided that sending all those emails was too much work.
That experience taught me something I still believe:
You can’t control which opportunity will change everything. You can only make sure you’re giving opportunities a chance to find you.
Lesson No. 3: Visit as Many Schools as Reasonably Possible
During Hailey’s recruiting process, we visited 11 colleges:
Carroll University, Trinity International University, Trinity Christian College, Mount Mercy University, Presbyterian College, UW–La Crosse, Bemidji State University, the University of Illinois Springfield, Lindenwood University, UW–Parkside, and Lewis University.
That’s a lot of driving.
A lot of hotels.
A lot of campus tours.
And yes, a lot of money.
But I wouldn’t trade those visits.
Each school taught Hailey something about what she wanted—and sometimes what she didn’t want.
We toured campuses.
We met coaches.
We talked with academic advisers.
We saw athletic facilities.
We spent time in the surrounding communities.
And we tried to answer one very important question:
Can you picture yourself living here when volleyball isn’t happening?
That’s an important distinction.
A college athlete spends a lot of time practicing and competing, but she is still a college student.
Eventually there will be an offseason.
There will be classes.
There will be weekends without games.
There will be friends, professors, meals, dorm rooms, and ordinary Tuesday afternoons.
Your child isn’t simply choosing a sports program.
She is choosing a place to live.
Visit enough schools that she begins to understand the difference.
Lesson No. 4: The Club Program Matters—But It Isn’t Everything
This is an area where my thinking has changed over the years.
When Hailey was in fourth grade, she tried out for one of the top volleyball clubs in our area.
She was offered a spot.
We declined.
We chose a club closer to home that was also less expensive.
Years later, after learning more about recruiting and player development, I questioned that decision.
When we tried to return to the other club, Hailey wasn’t immediately offered another spot. She eventually joined the program during high school, and her development accelerated.
The training was excellent.
The competition was stronger.
And perhaps most importantly from a recruiting standpoint, college coaches already had reasons to watch the program.
A respected club can provide several advantages.
Strong clubs tend to attract talented players. Coaches may come to evaluate one athlete and discover another.
Programs also develop reputations. If college coaches have repeatedly recruited successful athletes from a particular club, they are likely to return.
That exposure matters.
But here’s something I would add today that I might not have said when Hailey was younger:
Don’t convince yourself that one club determines your child’s future.
A more prestigious program isn’t automatically the right environment for every child.
Consider coaching.
Development.
Playing opportunities.
Travel.
Cost.
Your child’s happiness.
And your family’s circumstances.
The goal shouldn’t simply be finding the club with the biggest name.
The goal should be finding an environment in which your child has an opportunity to grow.
Lesson No. 5: Receiving an Offer Can Be Surprisingly Stressful
You spend years hoping someone will make your child an offer.
Then the offer comes.
Everything is wonderful.
Right?
Not necessarily.
Hailey eventually received four Division II opportunities and one Division I offer.
Some schools gave us relatively short windows to make decisions.
The problem was that we hadn’t finished all of our campus visits.
Suddenly, something we had dreamed about became stressful.
Do we accept?
Do we wait?
What if the offer disappears?
What if the school we’re waiting for never offers?
What if we turn down one opportunity and regret it?
Hailey had to call coaches and ask for additional time.
Those weren’t always comfortable conversations for a high-school student.
But they were valuable ones.
This is also where families need to understand the real cost of attendance.
Don’t simply ask:
“How much athletic scholarship money are they offering?”
Ask:
“What will this school actually cost our family?”
Those are not the same question.
At some schools Hailey received significant academic assistance in addition to athletics aid. Private schools sometimes had higher sticker prices but offered larger financial packages. Public universities sometimes began with lower tuition.
What mattered was the final number.
For several of Hailey’s opportunities, the remaining family cost was considerably less than we initially expected.
That’s when I learned to stop being impressed by scholarship percentages.
The number that matters is the one your family ultimately has to pay.
The Phone Call I’ll Never Forget
Hailey and I had just completed a visit to the University of Illinois Springfield and were driving home.
Her phone rang.
It was the head coach at Presbyterian College.
The coach wanted to know whether Hailey had decided to visit campus.
Then, during the conversation, she told Hailey something neither of us was expecting.
She wanted to offer her a scholarship to come play volleyball at Presbyterian.
Hailey ended the call.
For a second, I think we both just looked at each other.
Then we went crazy.
I can still remember the excitement in that car.
All the practices.
The club tournaments.
The emails.
The highlight video.
The travel.
The disappointments.
The uncertainty.
Suddenly, all of it felt like it had led to that phone call.
As her father, I was incredibly proud.
But looking back now, I understand the moment a little differently than I did then.
It wasn’t validation of my dream for Hailey.
It was an opportunity she had earned for herself.
And now she had another important decision to make.
Did she actually want to go there?
Lesson No. 6: The Decision Has to Belong to Your Child
I’ll admit it.
I wasn’t thrilled about my daughter considering a college approximately 14 hours from home.
South Carolina felt very far away.
Because I couldn’t get away from work for the visit, my wife traveled with Hailey to Presbyterian.
They arrived in Clinton, South Carolina, during a beautiful stretch of weather.
And something happened almost immediately.
Hailey loved it.
The campus was small and beautiful.
She liked the academic environment.
She connected with the coaches.
It felt right.
When she called me, I could hear it in her voice.
This was where she wanted to go.
And ultimately, that is what mattered.
Not where I wanted her to go.
Not which school sounded most impressive when I told someone about it.
Not which campus was easiest for me to reach.
Her college decision had to be hers.
Once Hailey decided on Presbyterian, she still had one difficult responsibility remaining.
She needed to tell the other coaches.
I thought it was important that she make those calls.
The coaches had spent time recruiting her. They had built relationships with her. Some had made scholarship offers.
They deserved to hear her decision from Hailey herself.
She was nervous.
I don’t blame her.
Turning down someone who has shown confidence in you isn’t easy.
But she made the calls.
Most of the coaches handled the conversations with tremendous class.
For programs that had continued recruiting her but had not yet offered, she sent emails informing them of her decision.
That experience taught her another lesson that extended beyond sports:
When people invest time in you, treat them with respect—even when your answer is no.
What I Learned as a Sports Parent
When Hailey committed to Presbyterian, I felt as though we had reached the finish line.
We hadn’t.
We had reached another starting line.
There were academic expectations.
There would be competition for playing time.
There would be practices, conditioning, travel, injuries, successes, disappointments, and all of the challenges that come with competing in college athletics.
But the recruiting journey itself had already taught both of us quite a bit.
Looking back, these are the six lessons I would give another parent:
Take academics seriously.
Don’t be afraid to respectfully introduce your child to college programs.
Visit enough campuses to understand what your child truly wants.
Choose development environments carefully, but don’t believe one club controls your child’s future.
Evaluate offers based on fit and actual family cost—not simply the size of the scholarship.
And most importantly:
Let your child make the final decision.
There is one more lesson that connects all six.
Effort Creates Opportunities
Hailey’s recruiting story wasn’t the result of one magical tournament.
There wasn’t one coach who happened to discover her from the top row of a gym.
It was hundreds of small actions.
Working on her game.
Doing well in school.
Playing club volleyball.
Creating the video.
Sending emails.
Answering questionnaires.
Traveling to campuses.
Talking with coaches.
Making uncomfortable phone calls.
One of those emails led Presbyterian College to a gym where Hailey was playing.
That coach watched her.
The relationship grew.
An offer followed.
And eventually, Hailey found the college she wanted to attend.
That’s why I believe one of the most important lessons we can teach our children is that effort doesn’t guarantee an outcome.
But effort creates opportunities.
Sometimes you send 100 emails and hear nothing.
Then email number 101 changes your life.
As parents, we can’t guarantee our children scholarships.
We can’t guarantee roster spots.
And we certainly can’t guarantee where their athletic journey will ultimately lead.
What we can do is help them understand that opportunities are much more likely to appear when they’re willing to put themselves in a position to be found.
Hailey did that.
And one email eventually helped take her all the way to Clinton, South Carolina.
The recruiting journey was over.
Her college journey was just beginning.
Thanks for reading Youth Basketball Parent. I hope sharing what our family learned helps another parent and young athlete navigate their own recruiting journey with a little more knowledge—and perhaps a little less stress.