As I prepare for another basketball road trip—this time to Ames, Iowa—I thought it was finally time to address one of the most important subjects in youth sports.

No, I am not talking about player development.

Not recruiting.

Not coaching.

Not even playing time.

I am talking about road-trip junk food.

Any parent who has spent years traveling to basketball tournaments understands that food becomes an important part of the journey. You leave home early in the morning, return late at night, spend hours sitting in gyms, and occasionally find yourself driving across multiple states while trying desperately to stay awake.

Over the years, I have developed what I consider to be the definitive list of basketball road-trip junk-food essentials.

This list is final.

I will accept no arguments.

Well…almost none.

1. Strawberry Twizzlers

We begin with a classic.

Strawberry Twizzlers are easy to eat, require virtually no preparation, and are dangerously addictive.

They also have one significant advantage for a road trip: they don’t leave your hands covered in chocolate, cheese dust, or some mysterious orange substance.

I recommend purchasing the largest container available.

The small package is simply poor planning.

2. Diet Coke

I am convinced Diet Coke once saved my life.

My youngest daughter was playing in a volleyball tournament in Kansas City during the high school varsity basketball season. Our final match didn’t begin until 8:00 p.m. on a Sunday.

There was one small problem.

She needed to be back at school the following morning. More importantly from her perspective, if she missed school, her basketball coach wasn’t going to allow her to play in Tuesday’s game.

So we did what any completely rational sports family would do.

We left Kansas City at approximately 9:15 p.m.

We arrived home around 5:30 the next morning.

Without a steady supply of caffeinated Diet Coke, I am relatively certain I would have perished somewhere along Interstate 80.

Therefore, Diet Coke earns the No. 2 position based partially on taste and primarily on historical significance.

3. Original Corn Nuts

Corn Nuts immediately take me back to my childhood.

They are salty.

They are crunchy.

They are delicious.

And the extreme amount of noise produced while eating them has the added benefit of making it almost impossible to fall asleep.

That is an underrated quality when you still have three hours left to drive.

Original flavor only.

There is no reason to complicate something that already works.

4. Peanut M&M’s

I don’t want to have a conversation about Peanut Butter M&M’s.

I don’t want to discuss Caramel M&M’s.

And I certainly don’t need to hear about whatever new flavor has appeared recently.

Peanut M&M’s are the gold standard.

Chocolate.

Peanuts.

Candy shell.

Perfect.

Buy the family-size bag.

You can tell yourself that you are buying it for everyone in the car.

We both know the truth.

5. Cheetos

I already know your objection.

“But Cheetos are messy!”

Correct.

Your fingers turn orange.

Crumbs end up everywhere.

At some point you will probably find evidence of them between the seats three months later.

I don’t care.

They taste good.

And Chester Cheetah is cool.

Case closed.

Back off.

6. Pretzel Rods

Pretzel rods are perhaps the most efficient food on this list.

Think about it.

A regular pretzel requires you to repeatedly reach into the bag.

Pretzel rods dramatically reduce the number of hand-to-bag transactions required during consumption.

One pretzel rod can last a surprisingly long time.

That makes them particularly useful when driving.

Is this an absurd way to evaluate snack food?

Absolutely.

But after enough basketball road trips, efficiency becomes important.

7. Gummy Bears

My reasoning here is considerably less sophisticated.

They come in pretty colors.

They are squishy.

They taste good.

That is the complete analysis.

I feel no need to defend this selection any further.

8. Cool Ranch Doritos

When it comes to Doritos, I recognize only two legitimate options:

Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch.

I generally reject the endless collection of newer flavors.

We don’t need Flaming Nuclear Volcano Doritos.

We don’t need Triple Spicy Whatever Doritos.

We already solved the Doritos problem years ago.

The final spot goes to Cool Ranch.

Why?

They aren’t particularly spicy.

They taste great.

And they come in the blue bag.

Sometimes important decisions don’t require complicated reasoning.

The Basketball Road Trip

In all seriousness, some of my favorite memories as a basketball parent were created during these road trips.

Yes, there were long drives.

There were late nights.

There were terrible hotels.

There were weekends spent eating food that probably violated every nutritional recommendation ever created.

There were tournaments where everything went right.

And there were tournaments where absolutely nothing went right.

But there was also time together.

Hours in the car talking.

Laughing.

Listening to music.

Discussing the games.

Sometimes arguing about the games.

And then getting back in the car and doing it all again the next weekend.

As I write this, I am simply thankful that my child is back in the gym and competing.

The highs of being a basketball parent can be incredibly exciting.

The lows can be heartbreaking.

But I wouldn’t trade the experience.

I love basketball.

I love watching my daughter play.

And apparently, I also have very strong opinions about road-trip snack food.

So the next time you load up the car for a tournament three states away, remember:

Strawberry Twizzlers.

Diet Coke.

Corn Nuts.

Peanut M&M’s.

Cheetos.

Pretzel rods.

Gummy bears.

Cool Ranch Doritos.

Follow the list and you’ll be fine.

Probably.

Have a great weekend, and thank you for reading Youth Basketball Parent.